Emo me

I feel like crap right now. Wanted to talk to some people today. I rang them today but I think that they were talking to each other at the time. I was gonna call again....but its too late now. My fault.

Its fucking shit that such small things can make me so depressed. I think its my teeneage hormones doing it although they should be reaching their level time.

I need to go out soon. I havnt seen anyone properly in weeks its making me fucking depressed. I wish that you weren't all so busy.... That you were all mine.........or that you all would chase after me like I chase after you. That leads me to this well known fact that I like most of you alot more than you like me. After all, I'm an annoying pest whose clingy and emotionaly dependent. I'd probably hate me if I had to put up with me.

Foot + Foot = Feet

My Feet hurt.........so I am sitting down. Working at DG puts alot of strain on my Doooooawgs.

ARRGH....oh wait, yeah

Yeah, thats right baby........I have just added a music video to this blog......i'll do the same with the other two tomoz some time.

To me this music says energy so I think this will have to be my bitching blog. I'll probably switch this music vid to one of my other two. They are gonna be my random thoughts one and my......hmmmmmmmmmmm. I'n not sure what the othe one can be..... Gossip? Oh well I'll Fix it all when I get on later......but for now I'm off to bed

Wages

Need to work out my wages.......

n= my wage per hour d=8 w= 40 u=7 p= 4
=2.70

nd = wage for a day (approx)
nw = Wage for a week = ndu(approx)
nwp=Wage for a month = ndup(approx)
....................SO

Wage for a day = n x d = £2.70 x 8 = £21

Wage for a week = n x w = £2.70 x ..............................................

Fuck it.

A months wages is £432 An when I get £5.05 an hour I will get £808 a month........but i'll be earning more because I will have a few clients by then. so it might be closer to 1000.

Goth? ....but I'm black

Ho Hum.... I have loads of things which I have written up on my laptop but I keep forgetting to transfer them over onto this one........ I'll do it another time and make a huge post of them all.

Just letting you know I had a few hours of wanting to become a goth. Admittedly Its gonna be hard to get the Goth look what with me being black 'n' all but I am loving black and red that is worn. I have excellent dress sense when its in my mind so I am sure to think of a great outfit.....but when it comes to what I can afford I tend to just buy something cheap.

So if anyone is willing to donate a full goth outfit to me I would be much obliged................. gonna watch more Naruto............... omg a Black, Bi, Goth, Anime Geek. WOW i am SO ORIGINAL.

(if I add the goth that is)

Pool

*Yawns* SO where do I begin? I can't remember the last thing I wrote here so I guess I'm Just gonna type all of the things that are in my mind at the moment. Well, the first thing is that I am absolutely shattered. Going to work nearly every single day is tiring not to mention the fact that I work shit hours but hey, at least I like my work, so it's bearable.

I have become such a Naruto Whore recently. I am already up to the 100th episode which is really quite sad when you consider that I only started watching it two weeks ago. *Sighs* yep.....I'm Sad. Feeling abit lonely too but thats just cos I havn't seen a soul for ages. Working has drained me of my normally bouncy energy and left me running on fumes. I would go to sleep now and just get the day over and done with but its way to early.

Eddie Murphy is a hilarious comedian but a really crap singer.

I need to find the ONE (O.O) ........ or at least a one. Sadly the girl which I really Liked at work wasn't there today. I think she's ill. I don't want anything do do with her in that way.........but she was very nice. Filled up a few emotion quota which hadn't been filled for a while.

done for now...............................................blargh

I Don't Know What to Call This

Just listened to "Rock Lobster" by B-52's. For the most part I hate it. The only parts I like are the begining bit when it gets repeated and the bit where they say everyone was wearing matching towels..............dear GOD I am so bored. I finished the college work that was meant to last me an entire week in an hour, filed my nails so that they don't feel bad on the clients head when I am washing their hair, Tweezed the unsightly hairs from my face and left the nice ones and many other things. I don't think I am gonna last long with this making myself stay in ma larkey *pretends its his choice*. Oh dear...... I just refered to myself in the third person then.....or does that one pass as okay?

Right now I am listening to "Wind" by Akeboshi. Its sang in english but it has an anime sound to it. Its quite quickly reached the group of the feel good/ feel bad songs. They are the ones which either make you cry or make you wanna dance around like a loon on loony juice. Recently its just fitted in with my moods so well so its been a regular on WMP.

A list of songs that I have fallen in and out of love with are.....;

Wind by Akeboshi (in)
Be yourself by Audioslave (in)
Romeo by Basement Jaxx (out)
King of The Dancehall by Beenie Man (in)
Everytime by Britney (in)
Trouble by Coldplay (in)
Down With The Sickness by Disturbed (in)
Don't Let Go by En Vogue (in)
Call On Me by Eric Prydz (out)
Going Under By Evanescence(in)
Nothing Else Matters by Metallica (in)

As you can seem there are alot of ins and only a few outs.......thats because its preety much all of the others that I hate right now and rather than type loads I found it easier just to type my most faves of this moment.

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I just got ignored........... that was nice. I don't feel hurt in the slightest. Why in the world would I have cause to be paranoid. Oh no......if I was then its all MY fault. God somethimes I just feel that thw whole world isn't worth my time. I'm starting to agree with the emos right now.......... life is shit and we are all just corpses from the day we are born. Just shuffling around dying and living at the same time till eventually, one way or another, dying overtakes living and you just cease.

My god you'd think I had gone out and stabbed someone or pushed someone to suicide the way the people I've talked to today have treated me. The exceptions so far are Fish and Charlie but the rest of you can go fuck yourselves.

For a few others that are reading this I am only being so bitchy about them because I know they don't read this.....and because I don't really mean it. I never mean the mean things I say. The are just hollow and empty words which carry nothing but a brief bit of charged emotion in them.

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One thing that I know I would really like would for a psychologist to read my blogs and give me an analysis of whateva they find out and stuff.


NOTE: I'm only Bitchy cos I'm tired and I'm listening to depressing music right now.

College Sucks.....But Other Things Don't

Eugh, Today has been abit shit. Had to go to colleg which is quickly becoming crapper and crapper. Well.....it wasn't too bad today...but i think thats because I left for a few hours in that gap of nothingness in my schedule to get my hair cut. I think she did an okay job of it althought Gale was alot better. When she did it I was like......wow.....but with this one i was only like Yeah, thats great.

Grrrr at Tblog. Damn it and it constant "We are just fixing some errors" screen. If they were actually fixing those errors then there wouldn't be so many automated porn blogs. T blog is a pile of poo but people prefer how my blog looks on there. That means that as a result I have lost a group of my devoted readers........oh well.

I wanna do something but everything feels abit weird right now so I'm just gonna wait it out for a few more days. Its gonna be hard because I've already had a week of not seeing anyone ( plus that badness -.-) so I am gonna be in mega friends withdrawal by the end of them.

The net went of then.... I was about to publish this entry too. If it had ended up deleted I would have gone mad and just gone to my room to sulk for abit.

I'm listening to Sonarta Artica right now. So far I have only just listened to a tiny but of each song just so I can tell fish what I thought of them but now that I am listeing to them all the way through I am really starting to like them. Its strange though because as I seem to start liking things, other things get pushed out. The only thing that has really stuck with me is Placebo....but they got me through the rough times so they will probably be one of things that I'll dig out when I am old and grey. "Ay up kids.....come around ere an ave a gsmmer at my moosic see-Dees".

OH well, all the people I wanted to talk to have gone offline so I think I might do too.......oooh paranoid thoughts creeping into head....no no ....ignore them and just watch tv.

A title is for a thing like this

Hey. Gonna try to be more regular with my blogging from now on. I also need to set up another blog so I can say what I really wanna say.

SO anyway...... Lynda was up for the weekend. It was okay but I was away for most of it and asleep for some of the rest. I'm not to bothered though cos I never really get to see her. I'm also not one of those people that finds a connection with their family so I don't feel that want/need to see them. Quite truthfully I hate my family, so far they have been nothing but a nuiscance. I won't go into the details but lets just say that they are all users and takers......never givers. I tend to place all that extra stuff onto friends instead although to tell the truth they aint been 2 good either recently.

Most of them have been okay but a few of them, and not just one like most of you will be thinking, have been putting me through it recently. I really would't have minded or cared to much if it had just been the one of them but a few of them went abit cold water on me and left me feeling like the last cheerio floating around the bowl. I've talked to some of them and they sorted it out but I'm still gonna feel bad for an extra week or so. So i probably won't talk to them for abit.....just so that i can get over the uneasyness. I don't appretiate being told to get a grip of myself especially after what i have been through. I'd like to seem them not to be a wreck after that. And what i'm going through now as well. I'm being abit cryptic i know but they are a few things that i don't trust anyone with.

Jumping from one thing to another like a rat from a burning ship.........One thing that has come to the forefront of my mind recently was me going away for a holiday some time. I havnt decided where yet but I know i want to get very far away to a place where i can have a new start just for a week or so.

I just remembered what my old plan was for when I'd left school. I had planned to just pack up and leave and go somewhere else. I'd saved up almost £700 but in the end i just gave up. I knew that a completely new start would have been to much for me.......that and the fact that i wouldn't have been able to do much with £700. So i just poured all that money into stuff i wanted and amused myself with the new stuff.

Oh well.......gonna have a snooze for abit. All this making up and doing nothing has me beat.

Tuesday

Arrgh, parents are arguing. I have forgotten what it was about because they keep going in circles. I can't be bothered to deal with them now......they were less than charming when I got home so I real don't feel like clearing anything up...........for a few minutes at least.

Okay, so today was my first proper day at Daniel Grays and I am still loving it. Today I got tips from two people, which really made me smile as I left to go home. I also practiced applying colours and blow drying. Nic (Nicola), has decided that shes gonna stat me off on learning the most common things that are done so that I can be much more of a help around the place.

I sent Tom a text cos I think he's in a mood with me. I can't remember why so I can't say sorry which makes things all iggledy. I'm all paranoid cos he hasn't replied yet either......... he might be bitching about me (T_T)

Who?

Where to begin?

Methinks I'll start off by saying that last night was fun. Well.....kinda. Went to the pub quiz and had a few drinks..... A total of 6 I do believe. Then I told myself no more because I could feel the early parts of drunkenness.
Told tom which people thought he was gay and why but that was just to wind him up. :D ;)

Oh, and I've become addicted to a new cartoon. Naruto is the name of it and ninjas is the aim of it. I've already learnt most of the words to the end song and a few of the words to the beginning one (which is all in Japanese).

Hmmmmmm, this shall be cut and pasted into both my blogs because alot of people prefer the other one.

What ????

I love cheesecake. Right now its the only thing that completes me......... lack of touching myself is driving me insane. Have started doing strange things like turning things on and off or flipping things over only so I can put them back to the way they were. :S I think its making me go insane..... in a sexual way of course.....or maybe not ????